Are Relationship Problems Consuming Your Energy?

couple arguing near windowHas the ease and joy you once found in your relationship been replaced with avoidance, resentment and/or irritation? Perhaps unresolved hurts have built up between you and your partner, and you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself openly anymore. Or, maybe there has been an affair or betrayal, and you doubt your ability to rebuild trust. Have you been married or partnered for a while and notice that the precious time once reserved for your relationship is now allotted to work, children and other responsibilities? If you’ve both fallen into a routine of arguments or minimal interactions, you might wonder if the relationship is really serving either of you. Perhaps you’ve already made up your mind and are seeking objective guidance about how to separate amicably. Alternatively, perhaps you are single and seeking clarification about what you want and need from a relationship. Regardless of your current relationship status, if you feel lost and lonely, you likely wish you had the communication skills needed to cultivate an honest and satisfying partnership.

Dealing with persistent relationship discord can be a lonely, confusing and frustrating experience. The stress of juggling work, home, romance and daily responsibilities often leaves people feeling overwhelmed. Add the stress of disconnection, and you may start to feel completely lost and unsure that you can create or rediscover the loving bond you’re looking for. Whether you’re single, mired in relationship conflict or stuck repeating the same relationship patterns, you likely feel up against issues that seem impossible to fix on your own.

Every Couple Struggles At Some Point

At times, all couples face challenges, and sometimes those challenges can feel overwhelming and even impossible to overcome. Sometimes, it seems easier to end things or look outside the relationship than to be vulnerable and work on resolving issues. Consequently, the divorce and infidelity rates in the United States are incredibly high.

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, with everything going on in your life and this fast-paced world, it’s easy to prioritize work, friends, family, activism, education and other responsibilities and interests over love. Countless people struggle to find time to foster connections. Additionally, differences in values, parenting styles and emotional needs can create strain and tension that none of us are really ever taught to effectively resolve.

While relationship challenges are common, there are times when loneliness and lack of connection become too great to handle alone. If you want to stay together, find someone special or separate amicably, I can help. Couples coaching can help you understand and communicate more effectively, allowing you to cultivate a more satisfying relationship.

Couples Counseling Can Help You Clarify And Overcome Issues

couple in hoodies sitting on beachRelationship counseling can be incredibly effective if you are both accountable and willing to learn how to communicate in a manner that allows you to express yourself honestly and feel loved. In a safe space, outside the stressors of everyday life, everyone involved in the therapy process can talk through the concerns that are driving disconnection and receive tools to bring deeper, more connected and compassionate understanding to your relationship dynamics. Although we will carefully dissect behavioral patterns, couples therapy isn’t just about focusing on what isn’t working. I can also help identify your strengths and actively build upon them, fostering greater respect and care.

If you are single and struggling to navigate the dating pool, I can help you become very clear on the kind of person you would match well with and provide you with the skills needed to set yourself up for a healthy relationship.

If you and your partner are having issues that you’re struggling to resolve, as a licensed marriage and family counselor, I have the training to carefully observe your relationship dynamic and provide useful feedback and empirically driven tools to interrupt and change patterns that are no longer serving either of you. Through couples counseling, you’ll come to understand that the golden rule—treat others the way you want to be treated—rarely works in intimate relationships. Instead, you’ll become better equipped to clearly express how you’d like to be treated, as well as how to listen intently to your partner’s desires and needs.

If you and your partner have decided to separate, we can discuss your expectations for the separation in a controlled, neutral atmosphere. If you have children, divorce counseling can be hugely beneficial in making this transition easier on them. We can also discuss your parenting agreement and arrive at compromises and solutions that work well for you both. Divorce therapy is designed to establish healthy boundaries within your relationship so that you can separate amicably and foster a healthy relationship moving forward.

mature couple smiling on beach

As a relationship coach, it is my job to carefully look at your dynamic, history and concerns and make helpful suggestions that bring long-lasting care and harmony into all your relationships, including the one you have with yourself. Over time, we all develop automatic patterns that can sometimes lead to discord. The good news is that I’ve helped countless individuals and couples recognize issues and make positive changes. I’ve been working with couples since 1992, am a licensed marriage and family therapist and have completed Terry Real’s couples coaching certification. I understand, both personally and professionally, what a difference couples therapy can make in prolonged happiness. It is possible for you to develop the tools you need to foster healthy, connected relationships.

You may still have questions or concerns about couples coaching…

I’m afraid relationship counseling will take too long and cost too much.

It’s true that relationship and marriage counseling is an investment in time and money. With that said, isn’t your personal happiness worth investing in? If your problems remain unattended to, persistent unhappiness can lead to separation or divorce, and divorce can be costly, in many ways—financially and emotionally.

We’ve had ongoing issues for years and doubt you can help.

It’s very common for couples to get off track and feel hopeless that things can get better. But, hopelessness is only a temporary state. With the guidance and support of an empathic relationship counselor, you can clarify and overcome your issues and move forward with newfound confidence, connection and harmony. I’ve seen partners who have completely different personalities, schedules, cultural backgrounds and parenting styles make it work. When both partners are committed to addressing and resolving conflicts, the sky’s the limit. 

My partner doesn’t want to come to therapy.

It’s not uncommon for at least one partner to feel apprehensive about therapy. However, there is a good chance your partner is also feeling uneasy about your relationship and, given the opportunity, may be willing to open up in a therapeutic, compassionate and controlled environment. You won’t know whether your partner will join you in counseling until you ask and gauge his or her level of commitment.

If he or she truly doesn’t want to come in, please invite your partner to call me. When both partners are present in counseling, you can begin to make positive changes in your relationship and personal wellbeing.

Foster A Loving Bond

If you are experiencing relationship problems and have additional questions about couples coaching, I invite you to contact me or call (425) 681-1170 for a free 15-minute consultation. My offices are located in Bellevue and Issaquah, WA.  I also offer relationship coaching via a secure internet connection, in addition to in-person sessions. I’m happy to speak with you about how counseling can help you.